So today is my 25th birthday which is causing immense amounts of introspection. I just don’t want to go into this next quarter of the game we call life with dead weight or not accomplishing things I want and know I am capable of.
For starters, I went through each relationship I’ve had in the past as well as currently. I dissected the effort I put in each of these exchanges and why. When I refer to relationships that means personal and professional.
My friendships range from many different times in my life. Each one reflects the head space I was in when I met these individuals (makes so much sense to me now). I hang out with some of my friends while others it’s hard to find things we mutually would be into at this point in our lives. (I’m sure they feel the same about me) Do I still love these individuals, of course! We just aren't in sync anymore and that's perfectly fine. Every now and then I reflect on the great times spent for the season we were heavily in each other’s lives and move on.
My past significant others are a reflection of the various levels of understanding I had when it came to matters of the heart. Whether it was a companionship of convenience or me giving my best attempt of “love”. Each of them took up pretty big chunks of my 25 years and I’ve only been dating the last decade of my life.
Work relationships usually end up me getting complacent and not advocating for what I deserve. I am working on being confident in my abilities. I am one of those people who loves supporting people I care about, that’s a comfortable space for me. I am the number one supporter when it comes to my job (allowing them to bs me), friends (never requiring support be reciprocated) and significant others (both).
Now in the present I am shifting my focus to be a bit more selfish in my actions. I am looking out for my best interests. This past year was my golden year, I turned 24 on the 24th. It has truly been year of ONLY doing things I truly enjoy and will benefit me moving forward. This also is the first year I’ve been single the entire year in 9 years. I left habits and people behind that don’t deserve to be a part of what's next for me. There are plenty that will make the cut but at this time in my life if I see things going left I don’t have the capacity to let it linger.
I address it and keep it pushing PERIODT *city girl’s voice*.
1. Begin your day with gratitude.
Auntie Oprah preaches this on the daily. It gets hard sometimes but if you start your day being thankful for the little things when life throws you a serious curveball you can remember 1. It could always be worse and 2. There is far too much to be thankful for.
2. Switch up something in your everyday routine.
If you stay ready you won't have to get ready. Try something new in your routine to stay on your toes. You don't want to get too comfortable because when presented with new opportunities you can decrease your anxiety by getting used the new new every once in a while.
3. Vibe out to some positive jams.
Don’t get me wrong I love listening to Sade crooning the Sweetest Taboooooo but I need something uplifting to put me in the right creative space for school or work. Lately I have been listening as Kid Fury calls them Destiny’s Nieces Chloe and Halle. Those talented young ladies have me vibing to their melodic tunes.
4. Live your best life.
That dish you want to try, TRY IT. That business you want to start, START IT.That place you want to go , GO. Recently I took myself on a trip to Florida. I visited my cousin and spent some much needed me time to reflect on what I wanted this year. I came back refreshed from the time off and thankful to get back to the grind.
5. Forgive yourself.
Nobody’s Perfect. .We are only human and humans are bound to make mistakes. We can be our own worst critics and the best thing to do is learn from the mistake and keep it pushing. Don’t get stuck in a rut. It will be significantly harder to come back from if you harp on it.
Dear Girl in her mid-twenties that just had a holiday break-up after a 2 or more year relationship,
(Boy is that specific)
First I would like to say, you are amazing and beautiful. We all have flaws (even your ex, whether they acknowledge them or not) and I truly believe there is someone out there that will accept them and cherish you despite them.
Ok now that the affirmations are out of the way, let's get to what’s going on with you.
You are no longer in a relationship and that is a daunting feeling. You probably suffered grieving the relationship before it was even over. One minute you want to cry, the next you are angry and feel like you wasted your twenties on this individual.
This is the season for holiday engagements and you are bummed out. All of your friends and associates around your age are starting families and you feel like there is something wrong with you. Your biological clock is ticking very fast and loud. You feel the need to meet someone pronto so you can get this show on the road.
*Sets up tinder profile* you meet one person and they are straight trash in your book because you are simply not ready and open. (Or they literally are trash) You will message a couple others and get nowhere. Then you match with the ONE. I mean you are planning the wedding and counting your children together because the conversation has the right amount of intellectual substance with a bit of humor and flirting. You have made the step to exchange numbers and then POOF! They ghost you.
Don’t freak out it happens to the best of us. At this point you feel helpless but fear not because there is someone in store for you that has not revealed themselves just yet. You may know them or they are a stranger for now. Be patient and figure out what you want and need in a relationship moving forward. Be open, yes the process of getting to know someone is exhausting but when it’s someone you are truly interested in, it can be quite exciting. Don’t become the bitter chick that hates love this New Year. There is too much to be thankful for and your twenties are a decade for fun and progress. In the immortal words of Dory “Just keep swimming” because there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Been There Experienced That.